(re)introduction

what of your joy today?

Is it not something that feels so hard to grasp? I have pondered this notion of what joy is or what it means now. I feel as though if I were to understand it, maybe I could find it. I don’t know what capacity I have to feel this incomprehensible freedom of my reality would be any more manageable. These days feels sullen and dark even as the light of the sun kisses my skin. I am reminded of how hot it already is by noon. I feel the tension and anxiety deep within my being, the ancestral rage that pours from my eyes. I seek for a solace and comfort that seems so far away. I speak in the subjective because I am comfortable in my unknowing, I know of the limitations of my mind and perceptions.

I have walked around feeling as though my skin is just too tight, or maybe it’s too loose, I know it feels unwelcoming. I have this sickening feeling in my stomach, this hypervigilance I kept close to me feels valid. I am ready for anything.

Maybe joy is far away, and it will come if I call it, as when I call to my God when They feel far away, They come. I offer this (re)introduction to you and all that comes with it. I am with you.

Thank you until next time.